At the moment I am trying to be more curious about my fears, especially how they hold me back.
I want that to change in the coming months, but not entirely.
It’s been said that hatred comes from fear. We only hate because we are fearful. The implication is that if we didn’t have any fear, we wouldn’t have any hate. But when we think about it, this catchphrase must only be talking about a particular kind of fear.
Like the concept of love, fear is multifaceted and is often more fully understood by its context.
So a man who fears losing his wife over a meaningless fling is motivated to love her by blocking unwanted advances from a friend.
An athlete who fears losing everything she’s worked for is motivated towards integrity and refuses a doping programme.
We all Fear
I think it’s impossible to live in this world completely fearless. We can’t escape fear because fear is linked to uncertainty. As creatures, we will always exist with this possibility because we don’t have full control over everything.
At this moment I am thinking about how certain types of fear hinders a sharper, bolder creativity. Although I still don't know how I will entirely overcome this, I am fully persuaded that working against fear involves leaning into the right kinds of fears.
Nobler Fears
It’s not enough to nip fear in the bud, but to understand the root and replant it in better soil. When we opt for nobler fears, it’s not as if we suddenly gain an unshakable poise. Things can still go wrong, but even if they do, at least we can look back and say that we didn’t waste any opportunities. We tried our best with the wisdom we had at the time.
Fear of failing ➡️ fear of stagnating and never moving forward.
Fear of being vulnerable ➡️ fear of never building the resilience to face criticism.
Fear of changing (becoming someone I don’t want to be) ➡️ fear of never knowing what a more mature version of me could look like.
Define and Hone
Once we change our fears to nobler standards, we can define and hone them through asking questions in light of our base values.
Fear of failing ➡️ what is failing, is it simply that some people might not understand what I do? Is it not attaining the standard I set out to? Is it falling flat on my face in front of people? My base value is that it's better to try.
Fear of being vulnerable ➡️ accept that part of this is okay. It’s okay to not want every part of myself shared, even with trusted people at any time. That’s because my experiences are precious, they matter. At the same time, am I so dense that people never really feel they truly know me? Or am I completely different versions of myself in different spaces? My base value is that I lean more towards relational risk.
Fear of changing (becoming someone I don’t want to be) ➡️In some ways, this is impossible. I will always be a mix of someone I want to be and someone I don’t want to be. I trust the Spirit’s work in my life. My base value is that I strain towards maturity.