Honour isn’t a word that regularly features in our vocabulary. When we do speak it - it brings up images of far away cultures, perhaps ‘shame and honour’ cultures which grate against our sensibilities. Or we might think of doing the right things as something ‘honourable’. Both have strong moral overtones. Poetry honours and honouring is poetic. When it comes to restorative work, poetry can be helpful in giving proper weight to that which has been broken.

But first, a definition:

honour

/ˈɒnə/

regard with great respect.
fulfil (an obligation) or keep (an agreement).

At its most basic level, conflict arises when one or two people (or groups of people) feel that something important hasn’t been honoured. It could be someone’s perspective or emotions. It could be someone's time. It could be a civic freedom. Most of us are aware that living in reality means that we will always collide with people who are different to us. That’s not the problem. The problem in conflict arises when we feel the sacred aspects of our lives aren’t being treated with proper regard.

Poetry helps us with this. As Audre Lorde puts it:

“Poetry is the way we help give name to the nameless so it can be thought. The farthest external horizons of our hopes and fears are cobbled by our poems,carved from the rock experiences of our daily lives.
Poetry is not a Luxury, 1985 Audre Lorde

A Mess of Misnomers

Sometimes in conflict, the difficulty comes through misnomers. Wrongdoings are not properly named. Someone calls an insult a ‘joke’. Someone calls disregard a ‘relaxed attitude’. Poetry, through the use of metaphor, imagery and other literary devices gives adequate weight to the hurt of emotions because it fleshes out the experience of damage. Part of restorative work is helping all parties see that which is sacred to the other party.

Some things are easier to accept as universally sacred. If harm is done to the body, we all get that that’s an issue. But if harm is done to legitimate trust, it’s going to take something vivid to bring that to bear for the other person.

Honouring is also poetic. What I mean is that singling out the sacred in other people’s lives and giving proper weight to their concerns is a way we adorn our relationships. It’s how we see the shape of other people, how we compare where we have similar objects of sacredness and where ours differ.